“my true self is showing up”

When Erica got to 100 days sober, I asked her to write about how she was feeling. Here’s what she wrote:

Erica: Well, it’s been a week since you asked me to write about how I feel after 100 days. I’ve put it off because, well … it’s really hard to say how I feel. I had a really long ‘pink cloud’, a good 60 days’ worth.  Where I felt amazing. Super happy, set the world on fire kind of energy, cried at the birth of spring, etc. Now I’ve kinda come back to earth to join all the ‘normal’ people.

Here’s a couple of things I now know:

I’m not awesome. I blamed alcohol for all the things I felt I should be doing.  Volunteering at the animal shelter more then once in a blue moon, writing thank you cards, being the friend that just listens instead of waiting to jump in with my perspective, set things on fire in the bedroom, do a weekly deep hair condition/face mask, clean my house…. Still don’t do any of that.

I will never be “that mom.” You know-the one that makes the awesome designer cupcakes for the class, etsy level kids crafts/projects, SAHM who drops the kids at preschool with complete hair/makeup/super cute outfit (all the while holding a 2mo/old), has kids that never hit, curse, or have a big brown blob on the front of their pants.  I would settle to be the mom that remembers to bring an extra diaper.

Not going to look like a supermodel. I knew that at a young age. Really has nothing to do with alcohol. But you just never know! At 40, I have now accepted it.

But the little things. The little things that you sometimes don’t notice ’til you’re in bed going over your day.  Like enjoying my day. My whole day.  Even the bad parts.  Because I’m there for it, my true self is showing up. The person that is showing up everyday is happy, feels healthy, has good (better) breath, less critical of herself & others, has more patience, can wear clothes that she hadn’t been able to fit in, is interested in everything around her, & has a big ol’ “what the hell is wrong with her” belly laugh for all amusements.  And I really like that person.~ Erica

And hooray for Erica, she’s on day 126 today 🙂

Team 100:  98 members, welcome to Tiffany (4).  Happy days to: Amy 180, KC (45), TMcA has rejoined the challenge (yippee!) and is on day 3, J (200), Sober Journalist (60), Brandy (28) and this is a super big deal so let’s all have a big shout-out for her, Kirst (40) her wolf is a hyena which i think is hilarious, Paula, Julz, Quillian, Dana & Sam (7), Chelsie, Erika, & Anna (30), Suzanne (10). And me (339).

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

12 thoughts on ““my true self is showing up”

  1. Yay for everyone!!! And especially Erica!! Whoo hoo!

    This is a gorgeous post. Well DONE to you Erica. You may not be that super mom (btw, those moms are secretly on crack or are at least manic depressive anorexics anyway, so PFFT to them) but you are brave and wise and also VERY FUNNY.

    Congratulations to everyone and a big shout out hooray to Brandy-its-a-huge-deal 28 days. And of course now I’d like to know why it’s-a-huge-deal, so feel free to tell us more Brandy… or any of you… I think I have located many of you through your blogs and comments but I’m always happy to ‘meet’ more Team 100 peeps.

    Lilly, Day 32 (and I still can’t believe my crappy relapse helped start all this awesomeness)

  2. Woo Hoo Erica! Thanks for sharing your insight at 100 days and beyond. Don’t worry those moms are not normal….. I have those visions too of all the amazing mom things ill do at 100 days… Just being a non drinking mom and my kids noticing I’m in a better place for myself And them is all I want. I can buy those fancy cupcakes with my saved wine money! lol

    Yeah to Brandy too! 28 days, so close to 30! You can do it. We ALL can do it.

    I’m onto Day 8. Have a fabulous Tuesday ladies.

    Lurker B.

    1. COngrats Erica! Love this post, because it is the day to day things that really change and make a difference. and liking yourself is just so awesome! that was so hard for me, without alcohol who was I? And those super perfect moms? Ugh. We all know at least one righ? And I am sure they are not all that and if they really are, well good for them. You are right being a sober mom is the best gift you can give your kids! Woot woot!

  3. Congrats and woo hoos! Thanks for the post Belle! I really look forward to them every morning (or most) I’m not feeling woo hoo today, and it’s great to be reminded of celebrations in people’s journeys.

  4. This is great stuff here! I loved reading about Erica’s success…very encouraging, motivating and INSPIRING! It’s so exciting to read about the accomplishments of those on the 100 Day Challenge! Can’t wait to get to where I can share mine 🙂

  5. I love the honesty – that life is still life, but the real you has a better chance of shining through without the haze. Thanks for sharing.

  6. Big congrats. I definitely benefited from reading the “I’m not awesome” paragraph. I’ve been blaming the stress of quitting drinking for taking away energy from a bunch of things I haven’t gotten done lately, when honestly, I probably wouldn’t have done them anyway.

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