imagine a 3 year old throwing a tantrum in the grocery store

R: “Is it wrong to think ‘I can’t seem to get more than 3 days in a row, yet I’ve had more sober days in the past 6 months than I have had in 6 years’?”

The only thing I’ll say about percentage of sober days, is that individual sober days are HARD and we’re just *waiting* to drink again.  part of how you get wolfie to shut the fuck up is to say “no not today, not tomorrow, see you again in 100 days.”  Then he backs off and leaves you alone.

I certainly found that “drink one day, be sober one day” was just too hard.  I tried it. It took too much energy.  It made me feel bad on the days I was drinking AND white knuckling tense feeling bad on the days I was not drinking.  Frankly, being sober for a longer period of time is just plain easier OK, we can argue that it sucks temporarily for the first few days, but that’s only for a VERY short period of time.  Then it gets easier. Wolfie acts up, you ignore him, and then he comes around less and less…

And I wrote this to MG, who also mentioned the idea of making ‘progress’ with her drinking:

Every time you drink, you wake up wolfie, and have to – to some extent – start again. OK, we can argue that it’s not all the way back to square 1 starting again, but it’s probably at least 50% starting over. Wolfie is awake, and he has learned that if he tortures you, you will give in. You have to shut the fucker up. Dehydrate the wolf.

imagine a 3 year old throwing a tantrum in the grocery store. if you give that child candy … well, good luck ever going for groceries again without having candy on hand. sure it can be done, but it’s waaay harder than avoiding the situation entirely)

no more candy for the screaming child in the grocery store.  Anyway, that’s the goal with the 100 challenge.  just to see what 100 days continuous feels like. THEN you can make decisions going forward from there.

Fuck you wolfie.

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

19 thoughts on “imagine a 3 year old throwing a tantrum in the grocery store

  1. You are so right in that it’s just plain easier to stay sober than to try to balance between sober days and days of drinks. For now Wolfie can shut the fuck up for the 100 day challenge as you say … and after that, well we’ll cross that bridge when I get to it 🙂

  2. THANK YOU! This is perfect for me right now! I thought to myself the other day…. It won’t kill you to go 100 days sober IN A ROW!!!! Really what am I going to miss? Calories, headaches, hangovers, black outs, saying or doing stupid things, arguments, feeling bad about myself, missing workouts? 100 days… JUST DO IT! WE CAN ALL DO IT!

    1. Just starting , 1 day so far & reading your post made me smile….because it’s scary. I couldn’t figure out why…besides failing. But your post is so true & simple!!

  3. It sure was easier for me to string together a lot of sober days if I didn’t try to drink moderately some of the time. the moderation game just did not work for me. I’m one of those who as long as I completely leave it alone then we’re good. There’s no such thing as One Drink for Lynda….

    I support you all so much. I wish there were stronger words for the way I feel about how all you wonderfully creative and inventive women are staying sober with each others’ help. I love you all.

  4. I’m kind of thinking about it like pregnancy. You’re pregnant for 9 months, and you give up all kinds of things to have a healthy baby. So if I could that TWICE, then I should be able to knock this one out. If that makes any sense. Plus, I’m looking forward to my next credit card bill and seeing how much lower it is (as will be my recycle bin).

    1. This resonates so strongly with me. I like the idea of making the decision once… I am not drinking. Then it’s done. We don’t have to revisit the angst over and over again as we have made the decision. If our mind wanders, we remind it that we have already made that decision so it’s done! May be simplistic but it sure worked for me! Thanks Belle.

  5. Hmm. Note to self..Don’t risk reawakening the Wolf. Especially when I’ve spent so long trying to get him to STFU.

  6. So true Belle, easier to not drink at all – no candy at all for 3yr old because it is just way harder to do drink one day don’t drink 3 days, etc – too stressful – been there and it doesn’t work for me! No real progress, no quitening wolfie for good and no time for true healing in mind, body or soul. Or relationships with self and others. Definitely quiter without candy!

  7. Continuous days are so much easier! I know because like a teenager I had to see for myself and learn the hard way. Wolfie got me at 28 days and it was not fun, not worth it. Horrible! Started my 100 days again and at day 18.!
    Continuous days are so much easier!!
    Listen to mother Belle.

  8. Waiting to drink again–that’s exactly what happens when you aren’t serious about getting sober and you just go a few days then drink again, go a few days and drink again. The longer you go, you get momentum and you crave less, you find out about how to use sober tools and you start being thankful that you are not wasting time worrying about where your next drink is coming from.

  9. You nailed it on the head with “we’re just waiting to drink again,” when we try some sober days, some not. Now, don’t get me wrong, I think a lot of people try sobriety and end up drinking again, in the beginning, so if it’s part of the beginning of one’s journey, at least it’s a start. Now, just keep that sober momentum going. But long-term sobriety is really the only thing that works for me- and you’re right, it’s the only thing I’ve found to get Wolfie to shut the fuck up. And, even though every once in awhile he rears his ugly head and starts to talk, his voice is weak and I am stronger.

  10. the post was reassuring, it’s logic and simplicity helped me to remember why I started this and why I want to complete these 100 days. I hate breaking promises to myself because it makes my self-respect plummet, yet I used to do it all the time around drinking. But I can feel this challenge repairing some of that injury to my self-esteem. day 60 here and feeling calm

  11. Yep – I learnt that once you awaken Wolfie – even with a sip – that fucker starts up his howling and it’s another day1 xx

  12. Even though I have 190 days of sobriety I can still hear Wolfie’s voice telling me that I suck. He is the monkey on my back. I am doing so much to support myself and, on paper, it looks good. Why don’t I feel good?? I have good sober momentum, I just don’t know why I feel so blue. I finally signed up to be a pen pal with Belle, maybe that will be the missing link I need.

    1. I’m getting up the nerve to commit to Belles 100 day challenge. These correspondences are helping me decide it’s the right thing to do. Do Not Give the Screaming baby tantrum its candy ( booze) in the grocery store or it reinforces its “ok behavior rewarding bad behavior- reinforcing it- ( it’s the wolfie you feed that Gets its strength!!)
      Hugs all, Hope

  13. I’ve been telling family and friends that I’m doing a sober 2017. My family drinks a ton at get together so by reiterating it they offer me fewer and fewer drinks. And they’be stopped asking me about why because my answer of “If I continue on the way I am I’m going to wake up a raging alcoholic in 10 years” isn’t something they like…they probably relate to it more than they care to admit to me or more importantly themselves

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