i’ve got to say it. this will involve swearing.

Team 100 update: Lilly (27), Mystery Girl (27), Amy (120), Jen (mommy) (23), Sunflower (14), and J (140). Welcome to new members: Victoria, Terri, DDG, and Grace. There are 26 of us now 🙂

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i had a very very long day on wednesday and have not been able to catch up on my sleep. we Europeans also finally had our spring time change this past weekend, so anyway i’m lacking sleep big time. both yesterday and today I dragged ass — both days required 2 hour naps midday just to get through. I’m sleeping well at night, but waking much too early. Fuck you time change.  Fuck you being up at 6:30 am for catering on Wednesday. I’ve been having to go for my runs after 7 pm, which is completely unheard of for me.  i’m a first-thing-in-the-morning runner, like to have my goals met early in the day so the rest is a golden rainbow. not so much this week.

so i’m on my run tonight, it’s been a really long day, i’m running way later than i want to be (7:45 pm). i’m planning to stop at a store on the way home to buy stuff for dinner, cuz i don’t have any food left in the house…  and then i thought about a nice big bottle of red wine.

WHILE I WAS RUNNING.

so I said to my lovely wolfie, “you’re only thinking about booze because you’re tired.”

and wolfie said “don’t get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired. Because I am waiting for you.”

like for reals. i literally heard the AA mantra in my head. and it was pretty menacing.

i came in from my run, announced to my husband that HE could fucking make dinner for a change.  I had a bath with candlelight.  i ate my dinner (meat, veg, starch).

i’ve got to say it. this will involve swearing. you can look away now if swearing bothers you.

wolfie, you’re an evil evil pig-fucker. you’re a gigantic anus. imagine. waiting around for poor girls to feel weak or tired or vulnerable.  shame on you. wolfie, honestly, i’m writing this message to the universe to let everyone know that i’m ON to you, motherfucker. you will NOT fuck with me.  I’m doing my best to work and run and sleep and handle my life, and you will leave me the fuck alone. I’m not kidding.  I’ll sick the sobersphere on you, wolfie. you’re no match for the team of friends I have on MY side, wolfie. I maybe have never stood up to you before like I am now, but i am not alone anymore wolfie. it’s not just you and me in a dark room without witnesses.  everybody is watching you now wolfie. you’re outnumbered. we know your shit. stay the fuck away from me. i’ve got friends with guns, wolfie.

and yes, i’m going straight to bed.

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I’m tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

17 thoughts to “i’ve got to say it. this will involve swearing.”

  1. Thanks Belle! You’re right. I won’t let my weakness win over me! No booze but… Fuck it! I’m eating a friggen hot dog and Kraft dinner!

  2. The wolf waits; strength in numbers wins over wolf. I love that you are using your resources. That’s what the Interwebs are for–to bring us together for the betterment of the world. And the world begins inside each and every one of us. May the universe bring this weekend what you need and some of what you want.

    1. That’s what t do to sit alone and drink it used to be all night now I’ve started all through the day too. I’m so scared.

  3. Thank you, I will try, i really will . I have been lurking for so long , reading all your posts, which have given me a lot of comfort. I know why I drink, but I also know it is not helping, only making things worse .. X think I need the 100 day challenge. X

  4. Belle, I needed that post tonight! On the way home from work today, I kept thinking about wine – then I remembered everything I have heard here and from my sober friends
    I saw and heard the words….

    Just because you think you want it, doesn’t mean you have to have it. No way. I am not listening. – I realized I was just tired and hungry.

    Thank you for that post and for being so honest.

    No drinking. Another Sober Friday night and grateful.

    Jenny

  5. He doesn’t stand a chance. He will have to get past a team of 26 strong women (?) first. And then he will have to take on the rest of sobersphere. I don’t fancy his chances anymore…
    There are too many of us now, too much wolf slaying energy around here. He will fuck off eventually. One by one we will all witness the final demise of our inner wolf. Until then, he may creep up on us but we will scare the shit out him every time. We are all rooting for you Belle. Safety in numbers. Carrie xx

  6. Yes I agree – fuck offf wolfie. I too am tired and frustrated and pissed off and going out to dinner tonight – but hey wolfie you pig fucker – you are NOT invited>

  7. Fuck that wolfie bastard. God, I can’t imagine something that would make things worse than drinking. “I feel sad, and hungry. And tired. You know what I really need? A hangover.” Said no one, ever.

  8. So happy I read this tonight! Needed it. Am going to bed smiling, mumbling….evil Pigfucker…… Lol! How do you join the 100 day challenge?
    Erica
    1/30/13

  9. This is exactly the bedtime story I was looking for! You are a strong woman, Belle! I am ready to fuck that wolf up with you!

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