how does it feel?
My new sober penpal Jenny wrote:
“Tell me how 7 months (sober) feels?”
what a question! talk about getting right into the meat of things 🙂 here was my answer:
how does 7 months feel. what an interesting question. It feels like a big number that I didn’t create. It’s like I’ve gone to bed and gotten up 230 days in a row without drinking, and that doesn’t seem possible. you know, it’s like anticipating a big vacation and thinking that the time will NEVER pass, and yet it does, steadily, day by day. it’s just like that. and it’s like arriving on a big vacation and not wanting it to end, even though some days are crummy and boring, you still don’t want to go back to ‘real life’. and I hope that in time, I’ll feel more confident that I’m never going back. the further away I get from ‘there’ will convince me that I get to stay ‘here’ … and then perhaps I can look forward a bit more than I am already …
I know i didn’t plan to quit forever. i just found that once I got going, i liked being sober more than i thought i would. it’s BETTER than before. yes, sometimes, i act like it’s a gift that can be thrown away. yes, sometimes i act like nothing can touch me. but in truth, it’s just like i said to Jenny. i get up every day, and i continue to enjoy my life, and i do the things that work. i don’t focus too much on how many days anymore (mostly because the number is so huge, and in some ways it’s a truly impossibly large number). i don’t worry too much when i get teased for not drinking. i know he’s jealous. i know he can’t figure out how to get here where I am. I’m OK with that. I will try to gloat less, and be more humble. But 7 months feels waaaay more awesome-sauce than i thought it would 🙂 and so yes, sometimes i gloat a bit. i dance around the kitchen relishing in my newly found genius. yes. guilty as charged. go ahead and fucking sue me. I’m sober. and. loving. it.