i had a dream last night that i was part of a group being honored with an award. i wasn’t dressed as nicely as the other people and felt judged based on the dress i was wearing. I was given a very large glass of Grand Marnier (orange liqueur) that i was to hold, to pose with, while the group picture was taken. And then I was supposed to drink from the glass (like saying “cheers!”).
In the dream, i walked around with this big glass of booze in my hand, before the picture was taken, trying to find someone who could make me a replacement drink that i could drink from instead. In my head, i toyed with the idea of taking the celebratory sip — just for the photo — but instead I faked it (raised the glass to my mouth but didn’t drink). Then i handed the glass to someone else.
So. Here’s what we know.
Even in my dreams, I will not drink. I may want to look like everyone else, but I do not give in.
This is reassuring. Today is my 7 month anniversary. Amy has voted me “Most Likely to be Sober at 8 Months.”
I did have a “fuck-it” moment earlier in the week and i thought about having some wine, cuz really, “fuck it.” At 7 months sober, though, my ‘oh fuck-it’ reason didn’t seem large enough to blow everything. I tried to remember what I would say to someone else if they were complaining of a ‘fuck-it’ feeling. I would say “wait till tomorrow, go to bed, have a bath, go for a run, you can drink tomorrow but not today, etc.”
[it’s moderately spooky when i hear my own voice, in my head, giving me advice.] but it works.
I may bring the glass to my lips for the sake of your photo, but you cannot make me drink from it.
Love Belle (aka Sober and Happy About It)