voted: “Most Likely to be Sober at 8 Months”

i had a dream last night that i was part of a group being honored with an award. i wasn’t dressed as nicely as the other people and felt judged based on the dress i was wearing. I was given a very large glass of Grand Marnier (orange liqueur) that i was to hold, to pose with, while the group picture was taken. And then I was supposed to drink from the glass (like saying “cheers!”).

In the dream, i walked around with this big glass of booze in my hand, before the picture was taken, trying to find someone who could make me a replacement drink that i could drink from instead. In my head, i toyed with the idea of taking the celebratory sip — just for the photo — but instead I faked it (raised the glass to my mouth but didn’t drink).  Then i handed the glass to someone else.

So. Here’s what we know.

Even in my dreams, I will not drink. I may want to look like everyone else, but I do not give in.

This is reassuring. Today is my 7 month anniversary. Amy has voted me “Most Likely to be Sober at 8 Months.”

I did have a “fuck-it” moment earlier in the week and i thought about having some wine, cuz really, “fuck it.” At 7 months sober, though, my ‘oh fuck-it’ reason didn’t seem large enough to blow everything.  I tried to remember what I would say to someone else if they were complaining of a ‘fuck-it’ feeling. I would say “wait till tomorrow, go to bed, have a bath, go for a run, you can drink tomorrow but not today, etc.”

[it’s moderately spooky when i hear my own voice, in my head, giving me advice.]  but it works.

I may bring the glass to my lips for the sake of your photo, but you cannot make me drink from it.

Love Belle (aka Sober and Happy About It)
xo

 

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

10 thoughts on “voted: “Most Likely to be Sober at 8 Months”

  1. 7 months! Woot woot! Congratulations on all your days adding up and managing the beast. The way you’re heading and learning (and teaching!) every day, i’d vote you most likely to be sober 1 year on 🙂

    I love those drinking dreams. I’ve had quite a few where i’m back in Oz with all my drinking buddies and i walk into a party and wonder how they’ll respond to my not drinking. Ace stuff.

  2. We all have those “fuck it” moments, don’t we. Mine last night was when husband was drinking a beer while we made dinner. He bought just one beer. (one? who drinks just one?) It was cold and just right there on the counter. And then I had this picture of myself chugging it, gulping it- and running up to the store for more. Good thing I had to make the caesar dressing.

    Seven months is awesome. You rule. 🙂

  3. Congrats on seven months!

    Oh man, drinking dreams. What a hoot they are (not). I find myself panicking in the dreams themselves, wondering “What have I done?!”. And then I wake up and think “What have I done?!” and then realize it didn’t happen. But the panic and terror is very real. Heart racing, palms sweaty. The great thing is that it’s a way of relapsing without actually doing it. Then I thank God that it didn’t happen. Whew!

    Seven months is good stretch of time…habits are changing, headspace different…the joys of sobriety never end.

    Have a wonderful day and cheer 😉 (fake cheers, not real one)
    Paul

  4. Congrats on 7 months Belle! God, it seems like just yesterday you had wrapped 30 days and were wondering if you’d continue or not. I’m so glad you did, and I’m so glad you are in a place of happiness. It’s been a pleasure following your growth. xx, C

  5. Congrats on 7 months! Fuck it that’s fantastic!

    Drinking dreams freak me the hell out. I don’t actually drink in them but sometimes I know I have been drinking and I am PISSED! I wake up angry and have to calm down before getting out of bed.

    They start to subside after a while.

    You are so rocking this sober thing.

    Sherry

  6. I totes second that vote for Most Likely to Be Sober at a Year. Congrats on your seven super months of sobriety and I’m glad you took the time out to give yourself a well-earned reward. And even in your dreams you’re kicking booze’s ass and saying no. Your sub conscious is even sober now Belle! Awesomeness.

    1. thanks, you’re right that my subconscious is very sober indeed. all but one of my drinking dreams (so far) has been about NOT drinking. and in the one dream where i did have a beer, i was right back to abstaining within the same dream …

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