A penpal asked me by email how I managed to buy and serve wine to clients without actually drinking any myself. What’s interesting is that I’d just posted this comment on Amy’s High Five yesterday:
I am 211 days sober. this evening my husband poured a large glass of liqueur to use in a photo shoot. the smell. was lovely. i asked him if he was going to drink it, he said no. He used a funnel to put it back in the bottle. i knew it wasn’t for me. it might be for other people, but it’s not for me. That it exists doesn’t mean i need to have it in me. i like who i am now, i like that i can see this very clearly. It seems simple, but my mantra is “that’s not for me.”
I told Lilly that I don’t feel tempted when pouring wine for a client. But perhaps my situation is unusual. I don’t really want to smell the wine or taste it, because that *might* wake up my wolfie voice, so i don’t even go there. But i can pour it for her or him or them.
As I wrote more, i realized that i have this same thought pattern about other things in my life (here’s some of the text):
I’m personally not that interested in being in places where the sole purpose is to drink heavily. I can, and have, gone ‘for drinks’ but I have a tea or mineral water, and then I leave after one drink. if they’re continuing onwards, I’m done now. It’s not for me.
And maybe they are drinking because they’ve never made a choice about what’s best for them, what’s right for them … they’re doing something on autopilot.
Me, I’m driving my car. I’m on ‘manual’ not ‘automatic’. I get to choose where my car/life goes. Me. It’s me choosing. that means that I make decisions that are different from other people’s … including not having kids! MOST people have children. MOST people have a baby alarm that screams at them until they pop out a kid. MOST people probably don’t even stop to think if it’s what they want, they’re on some kind of autopilot that says “it must be baby time now.”
I also don’t have a television because I realized 8 or 9 years ago that it wasn’t good for me. too much time wasted watching the weirdest levels of complete garbage … when I met my husband, it was quite a discussion point about whether or not we’d have a TV… we had one for a while, without cable, and now we don’t. Except when we got to hotel and then it’s a big treat!
I think this all makes me unusual. I’m quite comfortable making decisions that make me a little bit different from everybody else IF the decisions are better for me (these are all personal decisions). No TV is better for me. No kids is better for me. No booze is better for me. Lots of sleep (10 hrs) is better for me. Running 5 days a week is better for me. Yes, these are not the same decisions that everyone makes. But they’re better FOR ME. And i’m the one making decisions for me.
Maybe now I see that stopping drinking is another one of those decisions. And that somehow makes it even easier to “not” drink the wine when I pour it for a client. It’s not for me.
Does this make any sense?