I’m curious 5

Looks like I missed doing this in December …

Hi there. I’m well, thanks.  I’m pretty darn great in fact.  I feel MUCH better than i did for the entire month of December.  I’m glad the holidays are done, and i’m glad the days are getting longer (at least in my part of the world!). I’m busy and happy and running and I’m feeling pretty even.  No big gasping highs, and no crying lows.  Just good-good-good.

Onwards to Curious Part 5

i lurked on a few sober blogs before I quit drinking July 1st.  So here’s what i’m curious about.

  1. Post a comment with your number of days sober (or your sober anniversary date if you’re not a day-counter).
  2. If you are an anonymous lurker, and you’re sober, you can just put Sober as your name, and then use a fake email as your email address (12345@12345.com) – tell me how many days sober. You can remain anonymous of course.
  3. If you are a lurker, and you aren’t (yet) sober but you’re looking for inspiration, you can put Hoping as your name (or whatever), and then enter the email address (12345@12345.com). And you can pick a date when you’d like to start your sober journey (i.e. in 5 days, or January 15th, or whatever). You can remain anonymous, too.

I also sometimes forget how far along in the sober journey some of you are … so this will help me remember and help me celebrate with you.

Really, if you’re an anonymous lurker that’s totally fine! Just chime in with where you are : )

PS/ HERE’S MY GUT REFLEX: I have no proof of this and am only going on a gut feeling here, but if you are a lurker and still drinking, then by posting something anonymously, it’s like raising your hand and saying “ok, yes, i could use some support” and i think that makes a big difference in what happens next for you.  Well, if you don’t believe me, you can try posting something and see what happens : )

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I’m tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

51 thoughts to “I’m curious 5”

  1. Hi there … i’ve been an anonymous ‘lurker’ for three months and you’ve been an inspiration for me. I’ve started and stopped on a daily basis so many times I’ve lost count, but my last drunk was November 16, 2012. I’m not counting days – just not drinking because I, too, am tired of thinking about it. The first week or so was tough, but I actually go days at a time now without thinking about wine. I feel better, and I’ve used some of your tips and comments to help me when I do start thinking that one glass of wine can’t hurt. So, thanks for your blog … and, you’re right, there are probably lots of us out here. I am renewing my commitment to continue in my sobriety by posting here … and expect that I’m among friends.

    1. consider yourself ‘friended’ : ) Glad you’re here … your last drink was in November? you’re doing great! maybe you could share the things that you tell yourself when you feel like a drink would be OK – i’m sure there are other lurkers out there who’d like to know what is working for you! all best, Belle xo

      1. Hi Belle –

        Thanks for the positive affirmation – I am doing surprisingly great! I was just so tired of being held hostage to the wine – waking up every morning feeling like crap, wondering how much I actually drank, and swearing it off only to succumb at 6 PM…. wondering throughout the day if I had enough to get me though the evening, hiding my glass and the empty bottles from my family, taking the empties to the dumpster so that the trashmen didn’t think poorly of me .. geez. Now when my friendly alcoholic voice starts nattering in my head, I visualize where the “one harmless glass” will take me (I was up to drinking two bottles of wine/night, each time swearing I’d have only one or two glasses) – staggering or crawling to bed and waking two hours later with nausea. I actually shout STOP out loud to argue with the voice. I read some on-line blogs too, and sometimes I just take a cup of tea to bed – i’ve actually gone to bed at 8PM. It’s getting better and easier as time goes by, but the enemy lurks and I know it will never go away – I will never be a ‘normal’ drinker and I’m determined not to let that voice persuade me otherwise _ I have 35 years of drinking experience to prove it. Ultimately I tell myself “I’m better than this” when I look at the bottle of wine and I just say NO. It simple – just not always easy.

  2. I am 195.7 days (yes, we can say that’s 196 days as I’m about to go to bed!). My quit date is July 1st. Before this, I’d never quit for more than a week at a time. This time, what made it different for me, was that I started reading sober blogs and i actually began to feel that other people had remarkably similar situations to my own. I’m super happy to be here now. I’m thankful that things got better for me, quickly, once i finally strung a few weeks together, those days turned into months, and i finally figured out how to reach out for the genius of my fellow sober bloggers. they rock!

  3. 97 days today. I survived my first holiday season sober in forever. I was so proud of myself for getting it done. I even enjoyed much of it. Not sure what is really going on with me now that it’s over but this last week has been tough. Tougher than Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years all put together. My kids, my dog, my husband… they’re all driving me ape shit crazy. I won’t drink over it, it’s just not worth it but I don’t like how I’m feeling one bit. I’m bored and irritable and feeling sorry for myself. Perhaps that’s the issue… Those damn feelings I ALWAYS used alcohol to stuff them way down. Can’t do that anymore. Grrrr. Thanks for giving me a safe place to vent.

    1. Hi Lynne, Congratulations on 97 days. It is great to have a place to vent isn’t it? Glad you made it through the holidays and hope all those feelings calm down and work themselves out. I know they will come up for me too soon and am dreading them! Best~ Lucy

  4. Hey Belle – I’m glad your holidays are over andyou’re feeling good about life. Awesome achievement on your 196 days! Like the Pantene ad says, you’re so worth it. A sober life i mean.

    Holy shit, i have lived 165 consecutive days without booze. How the hell did this happen and why didn’t i do it sooner?? Steadily approaching the 6 month mark, woo hoo!

    If i can arrange an international relocation for me and hubby in a month and remain sober and relatively sane, i can do anything sober now. Like you, I am VERY happy December is over. Things are looking up for us in January 🙂

  5. July 15th, 2012, 180 days. I found your blog shortly after I got sober, what a blessing. Your writing has been an inspiration, thank you for sharing your journey with us.

  6. My quit date is Feb 26, 1984. I have been so blessed in my sobriety: third and permanent husband, second and permanent daughter, jobs and friends that have lasted years and been the best ones ever.

    I wasted eight years and a college education in my stupidity–don’t let it happen to any of you.

  7. 618 days. First time since I hit a year that I have actually thought about counting in days. I would have slapped you silly if you said to me after day 1 that I would get this far. Oh man, what a trip 🙂

    1. I’m trying to cut back and moderate which I’m doing a lot better with. I dont want to quit forever! It is challenging because my husband is a daily, heavy drinker. We always have tons of booze in the house. Good for you on staying sober for so long! That’s very hard to do and something to be proud of.

  8. I think I would like to stop drinking with a goal of 90 days and see how I feel. I did go 13 days without drinking right before the holiday. I did feel amazing! I am happy with myself that I’m only drinking once a week now instead of every couple of days like I used to. Reading everyones sober blogs is helpful.

      1. Thanks, Belle. I would love a sober pen pal. That is very kind of you to offer. I’m back on day 3 again but stringing together more sober days than in the past. Thank you for your support. I will email you sometime. Take care, Jenna

    1. All right, Melissa, you are doing GREAT !~! Each day is huge victory and you are just stringing them together one after the other. Way To Go !~! hang tough, it’s a great life on the other side as you are beginning to see. Stay in touch-I’ll write you if you want to …

    1. Hi lucy, super glad you’re here. day 17 is big numbers! i think for me right around day 14 or 16 i started to feel like it was *possible* whereas up to that point i think i was existing on good wishes and fumes! hope you’re continuing to do well, please keep in touch.

  9. Lucy, that’s great. Don’t you love the feeling of waking up without a headache and dry mouth that cannot be quenched ?~! I take meds that dry my mouth but nothing like i remember the mornings after drinking when I couldn’t get enough Ice Water no matter how much I tried…. I don’t miss that !~!

    Thanks for sharing, Lucy, that’s courageous and I am proud of you for stepping up and claiming what is rightfully yours–your life.

  10. Hi Belle, well I am still lurking. I am now back at day 13. Last effort lasted a couple of months but I was sure I could moderate… And, well, here I am again. Moderate, schmoderate. No such luck. If we could all moderate, we wouldn’t be in this pickle in the first place!!! All the best and keep going strong in 2013. Suzanne.

    1. I hear you Suzanne on the moderating. I am trying to do that as well. I have a feeling it wont last very long for me either. Wishful thinking for all of us. I know in my heart I need to stop but it is a depressing realization. Good luck to you. Jenna

      1. Hi Jenna
        I hear you about trying to moderate. Yup, I tried it for 25 years. Started drinking at 14 and stopped at 41. So im not that old. Lol.
        I couldn’t moderate. Just tortured myself and others with the endless battle until I stopped.

        Depressing rationalization caught my eye. If you wan’t to stop. Try it for a day at a time. Literally ‘one day’. I thought people were crazy when they said that to me. Today I am grateful that i was able to string along one day to one day. I hope to reach one year on 2/27.
        My life was hell before. I feel good today and am grateful everyday and my head no longer throbs.

    2. Hi suzanne, thanks for being here! good to hear you were on day 13, does that mean you’re on day 16 now? i think i tried moderating, in a half-ass way, for years. and years. and then more years. nobody wants to quit FOREVER. i just think that with a bit of sober time off it gets easier to make decisions about what’s best for you… those kinds of decisions are darn near impossible if you’re still drinking, even moderately… I’d be happy to hear how you do as you go along, i’ll be watching for your posts!

  11. Hi!

    Well, I only just found you this past weekend, so I am a very short-term lurker 😉

    I stopped drinking on November 27, 2004 (how many days is that? Well, quite a few)…

    I really like your blog; it’s a place where you tell the truth and you give lots of support to others – a good community.

    So, I’ll drop by once in a while, to see how everyone is doing on their own journey. And congrats on your 6+ months of sobriety! Go and slay those dragons, girl 😉

  12. I’m on Day 2. I haven’t gone longer than a week in a very long time. The idea is daunting, but you’re all such an inspiration to me! Thank you for reminding me that it’s worth it. And I’m worth it too!

      1. Leigh Ann, you are so worth it. Each and every one of us who tries to make life better is worth it. You will succeed–I can feel it. Believe in your strength, your power to know your mind, your ability to think it through and see the best action. Then follow thru on that best action and take responsibility and CREDIT for your right decisions. You are your best friend now; treat yourself well, stay healthy, eat right and drink lots of good clean water. Walk in the fresh air as often as you can–it truly does help to just appreciate breathing clean-headed.

        You are very worthy. And very strong.

    1. I *practiced* quitting several times before i got past 9 days. i could white-knuckle it to 7-9 days and then i’d cave. The only thing that helped me get past that was to decide to quit for 30 days, no matter what, even if i cried or hid in bed the entire month. Of course, i didn’t cry/hide but i was prepared to if necessary. and then once i got to 30 days it got much easier to extend to 60 and then 90. I think 30 days without a slip might be your first goal. so that would mean that if you’re on day 2, in your head you can tell yourself that you can drink on february 14th … it’s not ‘forever’, it’s ‘for now’ .. this was the only thing that worked for me : ) Hugs to you for being on day 2 again. once your sober car starts to roll downhill, it’ll get easier!

  13. Hi Peggy,
    Thank you for your comment to me. I enjoyed reading it. Congratulations on staying sober for so long. That is wonderful and so hard to do.
    By the way, we are the same age. I will be 41 in April. So you are not old at all.
    I have been trying to take the drinking one day at a time. I agree with you about that being helpful. My biggest challenge (maybe just an excuse) which I stated in another post is my husband is a heavy, daily drinker. There is always tons of booze in the house. It is like a wine shop here! He doesn’t want to cut back on his drinking at all.
    I think if I actually had to go the store and didn’t have any in the house the sobriety thing would be a little easier.
    Do you or Belle or anyone else that commented here have husbands that drink every day? I am stringing together more sober days than I have in the past. Luckily, I’m not a daily drinker so the
    cravings I get are mental, not physical.
    God bless
    Jenna

    1. Hi Jenna, my husband doesn’t drink at home any more since I quit. I didn’t ask him to, he just did it on his own. In my case, i would have quit drinking even if he didn’t, but it would have taken a bit more planning and mental strength. I have alcohol in the house all the time for catering and i’m not tempted to drink it. for me, if it’s here or in the store, it’s the same thing: It’s not for me. For now, anyway. When i feel in the dumps, i remind myself that i can drink ‘later’ but not today. I’m not in AA and i don’t know what the *official* advice is supposed to be here. for me it’s about making a decision and then sticking to it, come hell or high water, and not waiting for anybody else to get their shit together before i deal with MY shit : ) hope that’s moderately helpful… would be happy to hear from you by email when you’re ready.

  14. I left a comment for you back when I first quit in October…October 9th to be exact. I did the math to leave another comment today and realized it’s been 99 days!

  15. 81 days today! Heaps of thanks to bloggers like you for all the support and information. If I didn’t have you all to “visit” in the evenings, I’d probably still be drinking. But no… it’s over and I’m very grateful.

  16. My last drink was on April 16, 1984. Had an extremely prolonged low bottom and haven’t had to drink since that date. Still am semi-active in AA- it saved my life.

    Sarah

    1. Sarah, I love that phrase “extremely prolonged low bottom”. How incredibly descriptive is that one. You have made me think about how most of the eight years I drank what a low it was and how I kept thinking I could moderate but never was able after I got the first one in me. You and I have very similar quit dates. Hasn’t life been so much better since ?~! Congrats, Sarah, i’m honored to meet you.

  17. I’ve tried to quit drinking at least 10 times over the last two years. Been drinking daily for 4 years now. Usually wine, sometimes beer. Up to 1.5 bottles a night and then I fall asleep. Always when the kids go to bed. That’s my witching hour…when they are tucked in, that’s when the voice in my head says “run and get that wine and some glasses!” And there have been times when I would run/walk to do it. My husband and I would watch episodes of our favorite tv shows, it and has gotten to the point that we don’t remember where we stopped in the episode because we fell asleep drunk. Well, I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. My mom, dad, and only sibling are heavy drinkers, so it’s always been “ok” in my family. But I don’t want to pass that on to my kids, and I know I’m going to ruin my life if I don’t stop for good. So, there you have it. Today, February 9, 2014 is day 1 for me. My goal is 30 days, with a goal to continue to 60, and so on. I want health and happiness, no headaches, and no constant guilt over what has become an awful habit. If anyone needs a “pen pal”, please reply to this thread and I’ll contact you via email. I don’t want to go this alone and need to be accountable to someone. So you know more about me, I’m a female, 37 years old, have 3 children, married for 15 years, and work outside the home in a great company that I’ve been at for 11 years. Hoping to find a friend to go on this journey with. Good job everyone with making such a brave and life-changing decision. I’m excited about what this change will mean for me!

    1. You have found the place where lots of people have been able to get their drinking under control-by that I mean Quit. Many of us have tried moderation-unsuccessfully; some left hard liquor for beer and wine and that didn’t work well either. Quitting and replacing the habits of drinking with other kinder to ourselves habits like good food, quiet evenings, good conversations we remember, quality relationship with other sober people whose lives work well, solid sleep and happy mornings… it all awaits you and with the help of sober blogs and sober pen pals you can do it !~! I promise you, many have just hang tough and follow the plan that has worked for many others. I never did AA-don’t like the premises but sobriety is so much better than not. Stay strong, keep in touch and I promise – it will get so much better you won’t recognize your life in a year. It will be so much better and so different from today. Sleep a lot for the first month-your body needs to heal itself.

  18. 19 days – ups and downs, hard last couple of days but still hanging in there. I appreciate the advice of 30 days, re-evaluate, go for 60 days etc. it seems much more manageable than “forever more”.

    1. I am a lurker, I dont need to drink everyday but seem to anyways…This is the first time I have found your blog, I kept thinking I can’t be the only one that feels this way. Its nice to hear that I am not the only one that thinks about drinking, especially after work or in my ‘down’ time. I did quit smoking over a year ago and with that I have slowed way down on how much I drink. I think the key for me is to know someday I might be able to have it again or for vacations…I am going to set myself up with a day to quit as January 5th, 2015. I know I can do this but I can not do it alone.

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