It’s just a mood, not a decision.
i’m fine. and sober. thanks for all the well wishes. i’m in the middle of my two-days-per-week of catering (thursday/friday) and so i’m busy and tired but i’m well.
i’m glad that i have the sober world full of very genius people who kindly share their useful (and often hilarious, and sometimes completly off-base) comments when I reach out with my ‘pangs’. I think having a cold was a real problem for me. not being able to taste, in my line of work, is crippling to say the least. i couldn’t cook meat because i couldn’t smell it to see if it was ‘off’ (it looked funny). we ate a lot of pasta earlier this week! i really was suffering from a woe-is-me feeling … and i seem to have mostly recovered. i’m back to running today, even though i still have a cough, hooray!
the other really great thing that i did – and that i’ve done before – is i decided “yes i am going to drink wine, but not tonight.” this approach is useful because I know that no matter what happens, i won’t make a rash, fuck-it, decision that i will regret. and usually after a few hours, or days, the feeling has passed, and i forget…
i actually used to feel this way about my very first career (teacher) when i was 21 years old. i’d graduated from the education program, went to work in a classroom, and a year later i stopped to do my master’s degree full-time. and i never returned to the classroom. I used to say “when i wake up in the morning 7 days in a row wishing i was a teacher again, then i’ll go back to teaching. But if i just feel like being a teacher for a hour, or for a day, then that’s what you call a mood, and it’ll pass.”
thankfully i’m able to apply the same logic to drinking. until i really want to do it continuously without wavering for days in a row, then the answer is NO, wait it out, it’s just a mood. It’s just a mood, not a decision. And moods change.