busy, tired, well

remember how i said that i was going to ensure that i got enough sleep and could run, even as this new job kicked my ass? time to re-evaluate. it’s kicking my ass! i have no interest in alcohol, have lost track of days, am working as ‘hard’ as i have in my whole life (i look longingly at my desk and wish i could sit here more often, the new job is much more physical than i’ve ever been, ever). in a physical job, you need your body to work. reliably. not be hung over, dehydrated, or feverish. i have so much good going on right now, i simply don’t have time for booze or thoughts of booze.

i remember once hearing some self-help wanker saying something like “don’t worry about trying to change bad habits, just fill your life with good habits and the bad habits will fade away on their own.” this clearly is a bunch of hollow advice, and yet … back in march when i started this new job #3 passion thingy, it was super clear that i couldn’t do it and drink at the same time, and the drinking left.  albeit only for days or weeks at a time, but it was on its way out.

i’ve got nothing to say here except: i’m busy, i’m tired, i’m looking forward to this day and i’d like it be finished. i only got 6 hrs sleep last night. driving in a new country is scary and exhilarating. i have NO thoughts of drinking. i’ve finally lived up to the title of this blog. (just looked it up, i’m day 111 – that’s seems like a good number!) wine is no longer a daily part of my thoughts, of my coping mechanisms, or how i choose to ‘have fun’.  i haven’t been posting as often or leaving comments on other blogs as much as i’d like. i’m reading everything, just not commenting as much. please know that i’m here, that i’m well, and that i’m THRIVING.

what ‘good’ thing could you fill your life with, that — when placed next to drinking — would make drinking look like a gigantic waste of time?  a new relationship. a passionate hobby. your second half-marathon, the perfect apple pie …

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I’m tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

10 thoughts to “busy, tired, well”

  1. Hey Belle, it’s good to know you are there even if you are busy. One way you can leave a “hi ya” is using the “like” button (on WordPress sites). It’s saves the “me too!” or “totally agree, that mitt Romney IS a bit of a goose” but still says something and is an encouraging notification to the author. I see a lot of people doing that.

    Over at running on sober we had a little chat around compulsions that take the place of alcohol. Work can easily be such a thing. Think balance. Be balanced. Enjoy yourself, your husband and your life!

    Just sayin, take care, Paul.

    1. i don’t feel compulsed, but thanks for the warning. it’s more like i feel overwhelming demand from clients in a market where no one is serving them, and i thought “hey maybe someone should do this here” and the response has been like “Holy shit, have you heard about HER?” I’ve stopped advertising now, and i’m only taking new clients by referral — all in the last 2 weeks… next week i’m reducing my hours and my services, to see if i can ebb the volume a bit. i love this job but could do without working evenings and weekends. it’s week 3 of the BIG contract, which just ramped up again, and now it’s time to rein them in, too. i only want to do this if it’s FUN : )

  2. How the hell did we have time to drink? How much more could I have accomplished all those years? I can’t make all that time up, all I can do is do my best every day. That’s my new mantra,” God, just help me to do my best.”

    Take time to breathe, girlie. I’m proud of you. 111!!!

    1. god, isn’t that the truth? what did i do with my time before? i started with wine at 6 pm and all evenings were a wash. now i’m reading or running or baking or working and i have structured monthly long-weekends… time to do LESS : )

  3. I don’t even think you meant it as “advice” per se, but this phrase is awesome: “i have so much good going on right now, i simply don’t have time for booze or thoughts of booze.” I am looking forward to reading more and walking more, and cooking more. Three of my favorite things to do and things I was still doing “pre-quit” but ones that will be so much more fulfilling with a clear mind and body! Thank you for taking the time out of your crazy, busy day to pop in! Always great to hear from you!

  4. 111 days has such a beautiful synchronicity to it. Amazing.

    Ace that #3 is doing so well! But not so ace that it has taken over … i know you’ll find the balance you need to ensure you don’t burn out. And more kudos for thriving in a foreign country away from family and friends – driving, seeing opportunities, running your own business, making life what you want it to be. I have massive respect for that because i know it’s not always easy. I’m so happy for you x

    1. this is very sweet Imogen, thanks. i really do feel like i’m living a dream life right now … (except for the lack of sleep part). i am far from home, but have my lovely husband with me. he’s my family now : )

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