i am teetering
I am wobbly. I will not drink but it has crossed my mind that now would be a good time for a glass of wine.
Friday I had the meeting with those guys about the thing. the meeting itself went very well. they loved me and the samples and were talking future plans even beyond the next three months. i got a tour, everyone is nice, we reviewed my samples, i said what i can and can’t do, they were thrilled with all of it. i offered to do more than they asked, and they then added some extra stuff to my responsibilities. i’m girl who likes to be in charge of the bits that will directly affect me. they were like “cool, take this and this.”
then right at the end, after a pleasant 30-40 minutes, one guy in the meeting says “you’ve got the right paperwork/certification/legal thingy for this, right?”
I say No, I don’t. I had told Woman that when she called me in for the interview.
There’s a tight awkward pause. i know enough from negotiating experience to know that i’m not supposed to speak then, just wait. and i waited.
and the guy says “well, our lawyer will give give you something that says that we assume that you’re certified, and that you’ll pay your taxes, etc. and then we sort of leave it up to you.”
i nod. there’s an understanding here.
i leave and walk all the home (45 minutes) feeling like i’ve been kicked in the head.
They seem to be ok with me being the right fit for the job, but i don’t have the right checkmarks in the right boxes. they have to prove on their side that they’ve tried to check the boxes. i have to nod and everyone knows what’s going on. There probably isn’t anyone else in town who can do this for them, who has my particular skill set. if they don’t go with me, they’ll have to rethink their entire thing, and it starts september 24.
i’m not a big rule-follower, but i’m in a foreign country and this kind of shit makes me nervous, and that nervous feeling makes me want to drink. i know there are lots of countries where people just sort of nod and wink and stuff gets done and nothing is ever really legal. i guess i’m in one of those places right now.
i said to husband, they probably won’t go through with it. if i was them, given what they’re asking me to do, they really should have someone who’s certified.
and then about an hour later, friday afternoon, their order came in specifying that they’d like me to begin september 24th and asking for a price breakdown for the first week’s deliverables.
so since yesterday afternoon, i’ve been teetering. i want the opportunity AND i’m scared of the legal stuff, though i have every confidence that i can do the job safely and without problems for them.
but it would be sort of like hiring a handyman to do your plumbing. He’s not a plumber, but he knows how to do it. there are no plumbers available, and in this case, there’s no option of finding a plumber. The company could redesign the house to bypass the plumbing problem. Or they can say to the handyman: “we will give you a statement indicating that we assume you’re a certified plumber. and then we leave the rest up to you.”
i’m teetering. i feel like i should have a drink of wine and think about this. I feel like i should turn down the opportunity. I feel like i should go for it and after a few weeks it’ll all seem normal and i’ll forget how i feel now. I should remember that maybe this is me afraid of a super-great opportunity masked as a fear of regulations. i feel like i should wait to see what their lawyer sends. i can’t get certified in this country for another 2 years, and so there are no easy or simple solutions. wine seems like an easy and simple solution…
Even my husband said, when i suggested that i feel like wine, he said “the good feeling doesn’t last very long, maybe only about 20 minutes, and then the rest is just pouring more booze in on top.” that seemed profound.
i’m not drinking, but i’m teetering on this job adventure. i’m usually very brave in my professional life. i’m far from home and i’m nervous. and that makes me want to drink.