Tired of Thinking About Drinking

I have begun this day with an error

I have begun this day with an error.

I’ve had two cups of coffee on an empty stomach followed by two pieces of raisin bread toast. And now I feel terrible. Like agitated, over-stimulated, anxious, and high/low at the same time.

Yes, I’m reading the Potatoes Not Prozac book, and yes I know better than this.

Hard to believe I know better and yet i’ve done this to myself.  I could have gotten up and gone for a long run in weak sunshine. I could have read my new junky detective novel on the couch.

It’s 10:30 am and I’m already waiting for it to be tomorrow, so that I can start again.

Greetings to Day #38. It would seem like I still have issues on self-torturing to sort out …

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17 thoughts on “I have begun this day with an error

  1. I would go for a run anyway . . .. in fact that’s what I plan to do right now (5:40 am, one weak coffee). 38 is great! six is very small. Take care, chin up!!

  2. But the cool thing is, look how you can feel your body and it’s reactions! For 30+ years the only reactions I felt were hungover or drunk, oh yeah, and nauseous. I love being able to feel how my body reacts to too much caffeine or sugar, even though now I’m feeling deprived because I have to learn to moderate those two substances too (as I sit here drinking my first Mountain Dew of the morning). It’s good to be alive today.

  3. I’m with karymay on this one. Sober doesn’t always feel great but at least its better than toxic and hungover. Hang in there.

  4. thanks everyone! i do feel kind of toxic with the amount of caffeine in my system (even now 5 hrs after consumption). i’m avoiding speaking to my husband so that i don’t say something completely grumpy and ridiculous. i may, in fact, have to go to bed and have a retreat in my bedroom : ) under the covers, with the mystery book, and pray for a nap that will help reset this feeling. I used to only drink decaf for years, maybe 10+ years. i only just started drinking ‘real’ coffee again. think i’m going back to decaf. stimulant-free for this girl… otherwise it winds me up to wanting to have a drink to ‘unwind’ me … i won’t drink, but don’t like having that thought process either …

  5. Goodmorning Belle
    I can’t beat the comments that have been posted so I suggest you take your hubby to bed with you, get him, naked,… do the tango. Then take a nap. You should feel great after that!
    Happy sober but crummy day!
    Xo Jen

  6. BelowHerMeans recommended that book, so it’s on my list to pick up as well. Now I’m afraid to read it, ha. Hey, don’t beat yourself up…you should have seen what I was eating in early recovery. Mike and Ikes were a staple in my diet. You can hit reset on today…hope the rest of your day goes better.

  7. I’m finding it difficult to comment. A huge bowl of ice cream does funny things to my brain. Belle please sort out this issue for both of us whilst you are at it. Cleo xx

  8. I just woke up from a 2 hour nap … talk about adrenal fatigue! cleo, i won’t be able to help with ice cream as it does funny things to my tummy, but i can eat endless amounts of cake (and have been). now it’s 5:10 pm and i’m going to roast a chicken and have POTATOES with my chicken. Potatoes not prozac, get it! haha, i’m hilarious today …

  9. Did you pick it up at my recommendation?

  10. Katiebelle on said:

    It is fun to read your 38th day while I am on my 38th day even though it is now January 9, 2014. I feel like a beached whale from consuming not only sugar but food, food, food. I don’t know if anyone will ever read this bit it still feels good to write. And it doesn’t matter if anyone else is listening. The other thing I became addicted to after stopping wine is a video game called candy crush. How ironic that I love a game where you crush pieces of sugar.

  11. Hi! I am commenting on this really old post having just read it in your Month Two. Thank you for that! You are amazing. Just wondering if you ever did follow the Potatoes not Prozac plan? I’m intrigued. It’s seems scarily sensible and probably effective haha.

    • i didn’t actually follow it after all. the idea of having too many food rules in early sobriety was too much. for me, the goal was to be sober first. and whatever that took was what i did. even though i had ‘ideas’ on trying other things and stacking on multiple goals, it’s just plain easier to do things one at a time. sober first 🙂

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