triggered. and i know there’s an old-timer out there who’s going to give me an ear-full. and i’m ready for it. really, i am.
i have a friend who’s been a big drinker. drink till it’s all gone, mix in some drugs, take some sleeping pills. that kind of drinker.
He’s been sober for several months, white-knuckling it, self-medicating with all that is not alcohol. but he’s being doing a damn good job of being sober, which was his first and primary goal.
he’s just recently started drinking again, albeit “controlled” amounts of “beer only” and “not to get drunk” etc.
Now, this is making me irritated … and it’s hard for me to articulate why.
[here’s where the old-timer chimes in and says, very sternly, “Belle, look away. Not your business. Not your shit.”]
the friend keeps asking for advice. i’ve offered some bits before, months ago, but recently i’ve stopped most communication.
So my absence to him means that i’m “still drinking” …
the irritated me would like to fire off a missive filled with advice on what i think he should do or try, like the Jason Vale book, or hanging out with you folks, or even trying AA … but i know it would fall on deaf ears.
I’d also like to chime in with “i’m NOT still drinking, i’m in fact 37 days sober and doing quite well, thanks for never asking, never following up, on how i was doing.”
i am not going to email him, and i’m going to leave it alone. i’m not going to say or do anything, and i’m going to look away. i’m not going to pout and say “i’m quiet because i’m sober, not because i’m drinking.” and i’m NOT offering this particular friend any advice. He won’t take it anyway, and when asking for advice i think maybe it’s just to hear himself talk …
So here’s my question “old-timers” … is there a sobriety rule about hanging out with people who are trying to quit and who aren’t managing to do it very well? I know i’m supposed to take care of me FIRST. but is there any duty to help, offer a hand, listen to the particular ongoing saga? where’s the line between being supportive, kind and helpful, and being irritated as shit?