i realize now that i have some mood fluctuations up and down, some pink cloud-y days followed by some rancid thoughts. i realize now that both are OK, and neither mean i’m going to drink.
Today is the end of Dry July and i have to say i feel relieved. Like it’s about to get easier, finally. It is going to get easier, right?
well, maybe everyone feels the same way during their first 30 days: you’ve got your head down, you’re singularly focused, kind of obsessed with the blogs, putting one foot in front of the other, not really looking around, just trying to reach THE GOAL. The goal might be one day or one week or one month or forever. But you’re doing it head-down, focused.
i am at my first goal now (30 days) and i feel like i want to start to look up now. It’s like i pressed a giant PAUSE button on my life for July, and i really didn’t accomplish more than I had to.
OK, that’s not fair. i accomplished sobriety and that’s something! it just took a LOT of concentration to get here to July 31st. This past month, my goals were pretty simple: get up, run, shower, eat 3 meals a day, and do the minimum to not get fired from my job. get to bed before midnight. read a book a week? not much. feed my husband? not always. laundry? nyet. Begin any other new projects? nein. Plan work stuff for September? não.
Now that Dry July is finished it’s probably a dangerous thought process i’m having today, but what i think i’m exploring now is HOW MUCH ATTENTION and focus and concentration do i give this thing… i’m sure it gets easier over time. But i’m really looking forward to getting back to my regularly schedule life, and i don’t want to miss out on any more summer.
Well, I can maybe predict some ‘reasonable’ answers… “Belle, you have to give sobriety as much ongoing time as necessary to maintain it, because it’s the most important thing.”
when really i want to dance. i want to suntan. i want to be free of restraints. i don’t want to drink, i just want to be done with this part.
i’m not sure this makes sentido (sense).
oh god, i guess what i'm saying is "are we there yet?"