pressing the off button
Sober: Day 27
up too early, not enough sleep, didn’t run, worked hard all day, very hot, ate sugar all day, didn’t really eat enough real food, tonic water and cranberry juice for my ‘drink’ … now it’s 8:20 pm and i feel like a bag of shit. i’m going to go to bed now before any damage is done, before any more sugar is consumed. i don’t feel like drinking, but if you’ve got another fuzzy warm escape idea, i’ll take it. i realize what i want is a break FROM MYSELF. from thinking, from the noise in my head. endless details of running a busy life and sometimes i just need it to turn off. Bad TV, dark room, bottle of red wine kind of “OFF”. instead i’m going to have to grumble and settle for a non-dark bedroom (we’re too far north), clean sheets, the last few pages of a good book, and a headstart on a good night’s sleep. some days can’t be rescued. they just need to end early. it’s like pressing the OFF button.
[button pressed, tv screen dims to a tiny point of white light in a static-crackling ocean of gray dots]