a hilarious misunderstanding

i have been writing my daily posts first thing in the morning and they’ve become a summary of “here’s what i learned yesterday” or “here’s how yesterday rocked” or “here’s how yesterday sucked.”

so.  here’s what i learned yesterday:

  • sunshine is a miracle cure, spent two full days outside reading magazines, drinking bubbly water and tea. we’ve been having a terribly gray summer which ended abruptly on Saturday with big blue skies and high temps.
  • fresh peaches are a good reward for not drinking. so is a new turquoise-ink pen. bought both.
  • i’ve been sleepwalking through my life in this amazing, big, wacky (new) city, and made up for it by going to an outdoor concert, a water park, a farmer’s market, and the beach — all this past weekend.
  • [boys, cover your ears]:  no pms symptoms this month. none.  no piercing headache, no grumpies, no chocolate cravings, nothing.
  • right before i went to sleep i apologized to my husband for some tiny misunderstanding we’d had earlier in the evening. He barely knew what i was talking about.  i’ve decided i want to go to bed with the air clear, with me having admitted what i’ve done to be bitchy. i used to just roll over, thinking “fuck you,” and now i actually seem to care that my husband doesn’t think i’m a moody witch. imagine that!
  • all of my worries that life wouldn’t be “FUN” without booze were a hilarious misunderstanding … i couldn’t have been more wrong. picnic in the park in the afternoon? yes, it can happen without booze. outdoor concert? no booze. beach? no booze. reading in bed? no booze. bath with candles? no booze required.

 

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

15 thoughts to “a hilarious misunderstanding”

  1. Yes that booze stuff just lied and lied and lied to us. But why were we so gullible? Not important – just to know its a big fat liar is all that matters. Once you see through a liar, its impossible to see them as an honest person again. So that booze stuff can’t play the same trick twice on us. Can it?
    Love your happy post, feeling in the same sort of place.
    Cleo xx

    1. cleo, the booze may have lied, but I invited it in. i don’t blame the booze only. I know that there was also something in me that wanted to be filled up/numbed by the booze. there’s something about me or my life that i’ve been trying to avoid and i think it was boredom and loneliness. which is hilarious, really, because i’m certainly not alone and i’ve got tons to do. but somewhere inside me it’s like i’ve got some broken programming that says otherwise …

  2. Just read Mrs D after reading yours. Different weekend, different activities, but virtually the same thoughts about how much more one can do, how much fun one can have and how happy one can be when that Dictator Mr Drink is gone. Why is the tyranny of drink and the freedom of not drinking not more widely known??
    Cleo xx

  3. Turquoise-ink pen…oooh, I LOVE colored inks!

    And yeah, sunshine is great. I’ve been cooped up inside because of the extreme heat, and haven’t been sitting outside to read lately. That didn’t help my mood this weekend. Finally got to go out for a bit late yesterday afternoon and felt much better. 🙂

    1. Cricket, i think we’re all about 6 years old on the inside! and so stickers and colored pens and rewards really DO WORK.

      well. at least I am 6 years old on the inside, i shouldn’t speak for everyone else!

  4. It is funny how the one fear we all share – that life will be boring/unfun without booze – winds up being completely untrue. I’m so glad to hear you’re enjoying your sobriety. Your weekend sounds absolutely lovely.

    1. completely untrue indeed. before i stopped drinking, i had a good chat with a friend who also drinks more than she’d like. She voiced the exact phrases we all think will be our undoing: “what about new year’s eve? Not even champagne to celebrate? It’s not realistic to have none forever… I’ll be left out, i’ll feel too different, everyone will wonder if i’m an alcoholic…”

      what do i know now … well, it’s day 24, and i’m not a genius, BUT I know (for me) i feel waaaaay better without the booze, and so skipping a bit of champagne here and there is completely and utterly inconsequential compared to how i will feel the rest of the days of the year : )

      1. Some think of it as an allergy to alcohol…like I wouldn’t eat peanut butter if I were allergic to peanuts, so why drink if I can’t handle booze? I know it’s a little different than that, but if someone I don’t know asks if I want a drink, I plan to say I don’t drink because it doesn’t agree with me. Which is totally true.

  5. “belowhermeans: How utterly, deeply sad I felt at the thought of never drinking again was one of the reasons I knew I had to stop entirely.”

    Oh boy. I never thought of it like that. *sigh* Yep, another truth revealed.

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