no explanation, no justification

dinner last night, group of 9 people.

mr: “where’s your glass?”

Me: (looking around for my tea cup) oh, it’s in the kitchen.

mr: “are you on or off?”

(he knows that i was off-alcohol the last time he saw me in May)

Me:  off

mr: “oh.  next time i’ll check first, before i say i’m coming to dinner, to find out if you’re on or off.  It’s not the same if you’re off.”

Me: (big smile, shrug with a ‘what can you do” look on my face. no explanation, no justification.)

Yes, at these group dinners, this one guy and i often *drank a lot* and could get quite loud and hilarious. So he’s missing his drinking buddy. (Thank god i knew enough from everyone else’s blogs to realize that his behavior was textbook stuff.)

But also, more tellingly, the last time i saw him in May, and i was off, he said then that he also wanted to cut back, felt he drank too often, living alone it was the only way to fill evenings, etc.

So i’m sure it sucked rocks for him to have me sitting there last night, cheshire cat-like, having a lovely time at dinner, sober.  I didn’t try to *hide* that i wasn’t drinking. in fact, at dinner, while everyone else enjoyed the homemade cocktails, the champagne, the wine, and the grand marnier that i put on the table … I made a big pot of tea and put it on the table next to my plate, and over the course of the evening i proceeded to drink the entire pot.

not one single person gave a shit. except mr-lonely-drinker-why-do-you-have-to-be-my-mirror.

OK so i guess i’m still gloating.  good morning day 19. I’ve never been here before 🙂

Belle

I want to put this online, to hold myself accountable. I want to document the noise in my head. I'm tired of thinking about drinking. date of last drink: june 30, 2012

14 thoughts on “no explanation, no justification

  1. Day 19 is a wonderful place to be. Congratulations on your achievement! : )
    I am so pleased you had an idea about where he was coming from – comments like that can be so upsetting if you’re unprepared.
    Big yay for you and your progress x

    1. thanks imogen. i wrote a comment on BBB’s blog yesterday and it feels really true (still):

      “i was reading someone’s blog yesterday, she had 2 days [sober]. i wanted to say something like *just get to day 9, even if you have to hide in the closet or under the covers, even if you cry nonstop, just get to 9 days. then get to 16 days, then you’ll see that stuff starts to change.* … i’m happier now than i’ve been in a long time. it doesn’t matter how you get there. just get there : )”

      extracted from : [http://byebyebeer.wordpress.com/2012/07/18/last-night/#comment-460]

  2. way. to. GO. and way to handle “Mr.” too! i think we’ll see him blogging here with us one of these days! 😉 i’m so proud of you!
    and i love your idea of the big pot of tea on the table– thank you because i’m going to do the same!

  3. Your post will help me this weekend when I face my drinking buddies! Wish me luck! Day 4…sober
    Take care. Jen. My goal is to get to Day 19 now! …then Day 30…. Then Day 60….

    1. Hi Jen, nice to “meet” you 🙂 Day 4 is great! I thought Day 7/8 kind sucked, but then Day 9 was a really cool turning point. The elation started round day 16. well, that’s all I know so far (i’m on day 19 now)… Keep us posted on how your elation feels, when it comes, and if you’re good at saying “damn, i’m great!”

  4. Good for you! A colleague’s disappoint about my not drinking derailed me the first time. The next day, full of shame and guilt, I realized it’s more worth disappointing him for ten minutes than it is disappointing myself for weeks. I’m almost at the 60 days mark and happy.

  5. Day 19 looks super to me for you. You are doing an amazing job of holding your own in company-one of the hardest places to retain dignity and sobriety. You have many reasons to be proud of yourself. Keep up the good work.

  6. Yippee on Day 19! Every day after this will be like a new present waiting to be opened and what ever pops out, you’re going to be able to handle it. Your friend is watching you, just like my friend is watching me, just like we watched those that went before us that showed us that life without alcohol is worth living and then some.

    1. holy, thanks for this Kary May, you’re sooo right. he IS watching me. i used to stare at non-drinkers, too, thinking their lives must be so un-fun.

  7. My sobriety was a total wet blanket for my old drinking buddies when I first stopped drinking. I moved across country at nine months sober, so I have never had to deal with that particular group again but it is certainly awkward as ass in the early days.

    Congratulations on your continued sobriety 🙂

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