i named this blog after a really great Tragically Hip song.
I may not meet the textbook definition of an alcoholic, and I may never have had a ‘bottom’. but the problem for me (at least) is that i spend so much time thinking about drinking. how much wine can I have, when can i start, have i had enough, how will i sleep tonight, OK maybe just one more …
And i think that life without alcohol means that the noise in my head is just quieter all-round.
Less noise in my head means I sleep better and I get more done. Is it about self-control? sure it is. and clearly i’m lacking the self-control that would allow me to have a glass of wine, now and then, and just stop at one.
[Frankly the thought of having just one makes me irritated. What’s the point in just one? it’ll make me tired and foggy and then I’ll sober up much too quickly and i’ll still have this residual headachy, thick headed feeling. Yeah, that’s why it’s better to have three glasses instead of one.]
So i think that not-drinking entirely is an interesting and positive trade off.
I give up drinking wine, and what I get back in return is theoretically better than the wine ever provided.
Yes, OK, I give up wine’s company, the comfort, the numbness, and the glorious way that it fills up an evening and brings sunshine to meals and patios and vacations.
in return, I get back energy, sound sleep, peaceful relationships, increased productivity. I consume fewer calories, spend less money, and i gain self-respect.
gee, when i write it out like that, it seems like a no-brainer doesn’t it?
am i giving up wine FOREVER? (or just for my original intention of 30 days)? well if giving it up forever guarantees that i get sleep+energy+self-respect, then yes, maybe this is forever. I’ll decide when i get there.
for now, all i know is I didn’t drink last night, and i’m not drinking today. it seems easy right now and i’m going to ride this wave (because three days ago i was so irritated i was ready to drink no matter what and i know those times are a-coming again).
i’m going to focus on what i’m GETTING rather than what i’m giving up. and today is day #10. I’ve never been here before 🙂